Monday, 2 November 2009

Worthless in your eyes.

It seems that I have this friend right now that, due to events a couple of weeks ago, I can't at the moment see as the friend they've been for the last 12 years. Having somebody you love and trust confirm things that you thought about yourself is far more painful than having someone you don't know at all say those things about you. It annoys me that some people don't seem to understand that i can't look at him in the same way anymore, no matter how many times he's said he's sorry or how much he says he can't remember what he said. I know feel worthless to that person, even more so because they tried to make me feel guilty about something that i can't control even if I wanted to.
This is why I don't trust people, they can turn on you no matter how long you've known and loved them. And i do or did love him, just not in the way he wants me to. Is that my fault? Is there something wrong with me because I don't feel that way? You see all these wonderful romantic movies where the woman in the end realises the man for her is actually one of her best friends. Is it awful that I can't see how this could happen? I doubt I could ever be that way inclined towards this person, and isn't it wrong of him to make me feel guilty about this? Constantly telling me that its not fair, and that i don't understand what its like. As if I've never liked someone and not had the feeling reciprocated. Being spoken to like I'm a fifteen year old school girl who doesn't know what shes doing when it comes to boys is not something I appreciate.